![]() At most synagogues, there is a service held every Shabbat (Saturday) morning, usually at 9:30 or 10 in the morning. ![]() If you’re having the Bar/Bat Mitzvah in a synagogue, it’s a lot like a regular Saturday morning service with some extra. In that case, the ceremony might take place outside the synagogue. Although a rabbi from a synagogue is the most common ceremony leader, there are other options, such as summer camp rabbis and professional celebrants, who focus on doing both the tutoring and the service. If your family belongs to a synagogue, you’re likely to get your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah date a year or more in advance. Either way, your kid is probably going to need to work with a Hebrew tutor, just so you know. require at least some Hebrew, which takes time and practice, so it’s good for your kid to get an early start. Plus, on the more practical side, almost all Bar/Bat Mitzvahs in the U.S. Also, all the kids in the class will likely have Bar/Bat Mitzvahs the same year, which means a lot of parties and in general, a fun year, especially if you know the kids. For one thing, when your kid is a third grader, he or she will admire the big kids in seventh grade having their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and get excited about their turn. Unless it’s already too late, try not to wait until your child is in fifth or sixth grade to join a synagogue. If three kids are having a Bar/Bat Mitzvah on the same day at one synagogue, it probably has a vibrant and healthy Jewish community, which is good, but also don’t expect your child to have an intimate, personal Bar/Bat Mitzvah when the time comes. If your kids are young, and you’re considering joining a synagogue, try to attend a Bar/Bat Mitzvah service at a few places before you decide. (Not all Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties are over the top, but don’t pretend like you don’t know what we mean.) You may still hire a DJ who is too loud and a dance team that’s too perky, because sometimes it’s hard to stop a tsunami (aka your daughter), but you can still have a service that is meaningful. ![]() At some point the celebration and price tag began to snowball. No one knows, or will admit to knowing when it began, but some people say the bigger Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties date back to the 1930s. (The Torah is read on Mondays and Thursdays too in some congregations.) This was generally followed by sponge cake and herring. It wasn’t all that long ago that a typical Bar/Bat Mitzvah was celebrated by the rabbi calling the kid up to the Torah to do an Aliyah during services on a Saturday morning, or sometimes on a weekday. But arriving at the party in a helicopter, or booking Bruno Mars? Hell no. A lot of our kids don’t feel connected to Judaism, and a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is indeed something to be celebrated. Today’s Bar/Bat Mitzvahs have a not-altogether-undeserved bad rap, especially in the U.S., because in many cases, so much focus is placed on the party, the clothes, the food, the entertainment, the theme, and all of that, that the spiritual side gets eclipsed. This letter was written by Paula Gottesman (Archie’s mom) when she wanted to have a Bat Mitzvah for her daughter, Sally. And for many years, their Bat Mitzvahs were held on Friday nights, when the Torah wasn’t read. ![]() Fun fact: Girls only started having Bat Mitzvahs in the 1960s. This actually happens automatically when a boy becomes 13 and a girl becomes 12, which is kind of ridiculous when you look at the maturity of most kids that age. (In Hebrew, bar means son, bat means daughter, and mitzvah means commandment.) A Bar/Bat Mitzvah marks the transition from childhood to adulthood in the Jewish community, meaning they can fast on the High Holidays, become part of a minyan, etc. Bar Mitzvahs are for boys and Bat Mitzvahs are for girls. Clearly, those experiences were not very meaningful because if they were, they wouldn’t have been the last Jewish thing the person ever did. It always makes us sad when we hear 30-year-olds say that the last Jewish thing they did was at their Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The answer is A! Honest to God, with a little extra effort and a rabbi with some creativity, it’s not that hard to make a Bar/Bat Mitzvah a meaningful milestone that isn’t a gaudy mess.
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